Is it even possible? How many times have I gone through this now, a dozen? More? And really, do I even care to try any more when I know how it turns out every time? Do I want to have to bandage myself up again?
Enough fucking question marks for you?
Frustration, anger, anxiety, all part of my disorders of varying shapes and sizes. I'm tired. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm tired. I've got my life shit figured out so why do all the other things look solid and shiny and happy until I actually go to touch them and they dissolve into what they really were in the first place: a bunch of nothingness.
I'm angry at a lot of people. I don't like being angry. I don't like giving them that kind of power over me but this is a moment of weakness that will pass when I remember just how unbreakable I really am. As of right now I want this pattern, this trust trigger that never fails to blow me away when I pull it, to cease to exist.
And that means The Wall goes back up. The one that keeps me at a safe distance from this bullshit, this mess that circles the drain for days until I come back to life. In short, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm better than any of this.
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