Totally crashing from the entire Starbucks doubleshot I downed around 9 this am. Something to remember - I don't do well with those energy drinks for a lot of reasons but the biggest is they make me feel like my face is puffy and my eyes bug out when I'm talking to people. Oh and the worst part is it makes me eat more than I want or need to, something I discovered at lunch. But I'm not going to freak out about it. Just going to chug my water for the rest of the afternoon and pick up some Advil with caffeine tablets tonight. I don't want to drink the crystal light, don't want to drink coffee, don't want to drink anything but my water. And I'm supposed to stay away from caffeine anyway (see: previously known medical advice I should've followed but didn't because I wanted a pick-me-up) because apparently my brain doesn't do well with the mixed signal of "calm down" from the medicine and the "get up" from the drink.
At this point it's been about 2 weeks since I stared taking it. I feel... wait scratch that. I don't. I mean I feel like a leveled calm woman who just takes in all the surrounding drama of life and shrugs it off. But I don't know if I like it. Some days yeah I do because I don't feel that anxious stress or hunt for someone to be obsessed with me. The last few days I don't like it though because I don't want to do anything. Nothing. I don't even want to be sitting at work and typing this right now. I just want to go home and sleep. I think? See I'm not even sure. Nothing sounds appealing, not even eating. Where's my motivation, my drive, my hyperintense determination to do something big and grand? Sure those were all part of the hypomania but guess what, that felt like something instead of (blank). Yes I need to go in and talk to someone, yes I need to start working out again, yes I need to walk Baron, yes I need to do this and that and this that this that...
I just don't care. I've stretched myself in so many ways the last few weeks I can't figure out my own life plan anymore. Will I ever get my own life? How do I do that? I don't even know where to start anymore.
Whine whine whine. Don't even care enough to finish this eloquently.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
what happened to my heartbeat?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Camel lights? Come on, pick something a little more hip! :)
I dare you to make a list of all the little things you needs to get done (pay this bill, call about this, work out, tan, ect...) I want you to spend 3 days and get all of those things accomplished. Plus you must eat perfectly for those 3 days, WATER only! Then report how you feel. Plus if you need a pick up no dose really works without giving the shakes. Try half a no dose pill, it's better than advil or excedrin, I swear. Take it from someone who never sleeps!
Post a Comment