good day? yeah, short-lived.
(disclaimer: if you see your name here, it has nothing to do with you, only with how my mind works)
being around my mom makes me feel like i'm too fat
being around my dad makes me feel like i have permission to overeat
being around leslie makes me feel like i'll never be small enough
being around steven... well i guess because we're so similar i feel ok around him
being around sam makes me laugh
being around jayden is good
being around koren makes me feel like i'm teetering one step away from the old pattern of quiet fat girl
being around boys i'm attracted to makes me feel obese and flabby and snaggle toothed
being around girls who are prettier and thinner makes me want to starve my self
the following don't apply when i'm ok with my self. on great days i feel like i'm worth worshipping and i don't give these another thought. but i have issues. they're deep, they're memorized, compulsive. no one has any idea how close these thought patterns come to suffocating me on the really bad days. this is why i want to go away. this is why i need a clean slate. get outside the old environments and make my own with new, clean, healthy habits. like rehab. i'm sick of not being stronger than projected opinions and uncontrollable impulses.
1 comment:
from the dad perspective this illustrates the difficulty of being supportive without being controlling.
if i try and encourage a child to relax and not put so much pressure on themselves, then i am at the same time removing some of the social constraints that they use to exercise self-discipline.
how do i tell a child to protect themselves from toxic relationships (with people or food for example) without at the same time sounding judgmental or condemning of the other party in the relationship, or sounding like i am trying to control behavior?
it's a difficult balance for parents or friends to support the good, discourage the bad, but still show love.
this is just random thoughts :)
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